Oh this is a tough subject for me. Over the years I have come to realize that the people I called friends when I was young never really were. That's a tough thing to admit but what I looked like was always, always a problem except for one girlfriend who never cared. So in fact along with my husband and my best buddy Paul I can count the friends I've had in my life on one hand ans still have fingers left.
I wonder is that normal. I've known people who seemed to know everyone, but was that fake? I had a best friend (I thought) in high school. We did everything together (or so it seemed) and when I took the time to realize what really was going on I figured out we did everything together if she was at my house - not when we were at hers. She never invited me to parties I always invited her. I always invited her to school functions - she invited me - umm - never. I've realized until I was an adult I never had a real friend.
In my 20's there was Linda. Probably the best girlfriend I've ever had. We dd do everything together. We were inseparable. She was a gorgeous thin redhead. I was a fat brunette with no self esteem. Being around her so much gave me self esteem. She stuck up for me, would fight with anyone who said anything about my weight. She was a true friend. Somehow, over the years we lost touch. On those days when I need a shoulder I still miss her. I miss her terribly.
Sometimes a real friend comes out of the blue someone you never expected to like. In 1996 Wayne and I went to Houston to attend a size-acceptance conference. I was persuaded to attend by a woman I knew online, DR. Now DR told me I had to come to Houston and so we went. When we got to the Hotel there was an excited message waiting on our room phone from DR telling us to meet her in the lobby as soon as we got there. So we went to the lobby and there she was sitting on a couch with a man I did not know.
After hugging DR she introduced the man next to her as a well known artist of big women. When I looked at him I felt a lightening bolt of attraction like I had never felt before. The weekend was difficult for me, this gentleman spent a lot of time staring at me, and it made me uncomfortable. I left feeling relief that I never had to see him again. But after getting home he and I started chatting online and I learned what a wonderful man he was and is. We became fast friends and we are still close today. So close in fact, I call him family. DR has since passed away but she introduced me to one of the most important people of my life and I will always be grateful for that.
I'm not easy to get to know - I know that but sometimes people persevere until I open up. I am always grateful when that happens. I am most grateful that my wonderful husband decided I was worth the effort.
I love you honey, and thank you for loving me.
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